5nigts at ERIDEEN'S: QUsT OF DEMINS
by jamescatcrafter10
Summary: OH NO satan is planing to tacke over the animatornicks to kil evry1 in homstuck! james got sukced into the HOMSTUKC world with peapal from other gamse and BECUMS A SORSARER and they hav to fighet demins and BEET SATAN to escap! but ther is romanse brewing too: LOV IS IN THE AIR and jamse is NOT a marysoe (even beter!)! will the herose surviv or NOT? reed 2 feind out!
1. Chapter 1

MINI-PROLOG: homstuck WORLD

1 time iwas having a drem that I went bakc in tiem and save Abe linkin from beng shooted at the movie theater but DUALCAR SHOTTED HIM INSTED AND THEN TOOK ME 2 THE HOMESTUCK WORLD WITH HIM. I hav that drema lot becaus I realy love homesuck and dualcar and I HAT history! but in my drem dualsar alwaiys had manboobs and was chibby so mabey it was a faek dulscar.

That nite I opend my eys 2 see a fase starring down at me. it WAS dualcar in REAL! "OH MY GOG DAULCAR I LOVE U!" AND HE DIDNT HAVE MANBOBBIES AND HE WASINT SHUBBY! I screemed and hipped out of bed huppily. dualcar said to me "nice room" caus I have like ten posters of homesuck peapal and also like a bajliillion other fandums (my brother cals them "fandumbs" cus he thenks he is better than me caus he plays fotball he likes the baltomore ravens but I HAT them F U FOTOBALL!)

I got real excited and I sed "dalscar will u pls take me 2 the homsuck world!" and he sayed YES and WE WENT THROU THE PORTHAL... but then I heared a ROAR…

The Reel Chapter One: dAnJGER JeRNY

when me and dialscar reeched the homstuck world we apeared in a room ful of owterspace stuff like ricket ships and plants. "this was my rom wen I was real small" dialscar said and he smialed cutely.

suddenly we were INDER ATTAK! some demin giys with satan tshirts and bassball caps broak thru the window and hited me in the fase! I scremed and tride to figte back but I did not kno karatey. they slashed me wit shrarp words and my orgins flied evrywhar but KARKAT VANIS FLIE IN A SAVED ME AND KULLED THE DEMINS.

"WOOP WOOP WOP MOTERFICKERS" he yelled pridely. he blished when he saw me in my birthday soot caus I sleep nakkid. "o r u jamse!?" he squeeled!

"yea I am." I sed. "hi katkat."

his fase went all red and he looked don at my leg; at lest I THOT it was my leg! (pls dont corect my gramar see I used a seme colon!)

"whoo were those demins?" I assed.

"they wer satanspawns and they want to kill you cause ur spescaial so satan wants to make u his debuty!" kaykat respinded scary.

I gasped "HOE AM I SPECHAL?! I DON'T WANA BE STAANS DEBUTY"

"u r ur a soarsarer and demins HAT sorsars," karkat growled secsily and I was supsrised! he locoked at me wit his secsy eye balls and sid "do u want 2 go on a daet"

Doilscar got made and said, "no he is mine f u jarkat!"

"guys it ok because I am not gay." I sed. "I am bisecual so that mens I can only do 3sums with a gorl and a boy." and so me and daulscare and karkat went into the living rom of dulscars hosue and we watched Modarn Famley and Bitins got Talent but the secal tenshun was so high I cud not evn handel it anymore.

"Ok so maybe I a little bit gay!" I said sedatively and loked at karkat and dalscar sedatively even tho I was a girgin, and then they climed on me and dalscar strated kissine me an karkat started to—

"HI GUS!" someone yelled from the front door! Nepera Legion and her boyfend Equs Zack walked in ironicly. "what r u doin u cant have secs on my coch or it will get stanned!" nepeta hissed at us!

"YOUR coch?" I questuned.

"yea MY coch!" nepera jissed louder. "this is my hiv!"

but I thot in my mind why did dalescare tell me that he lived hear when he was yonger? I felt tenshun bidl up between them as they starred at ech other. uh oh some droma must be going on!

"les go to my hosue instead and have a sleapover." lardkat said. ok we got up and walk to his house.

"so if Im a soarsarer does that men I have magik powars?!" I sed exitedly!

"not yet, but I am the moist powerful soarcasrer ever to live!" dialscar retarted (DID YOU SEE THE PUN MOIST CAUSE DOLSCAR LIKES WWATER LOL!). "we will have to go to anoter world to test you first!" He did a magic thing wit his hand and mad watter fly in2 the skie and hit a demin. "u hav to beat pealaple from oter words at a magic battle its like a pokemin battle but with magic." he did a water magic move at the skie and a water tornado landed on another demin, but I was sad cus pokemon SUX. "the demin CIA is out here looking for you jeames cause satan wants to mack you his right hand man." so me and sualscar and katkat and nelepa and eqipus walked into katkats house and I saw so many peapel I know!

There were John Egbert the prickster and Rose and Kaneya the lesbanins and Jad Hurly and Dave Stider and ASH KECHUM and MISTEY and FUXY THE PIRATE AND BONIE FROM FIV NIGHTS AT FREDDIES I SCREAMAD LODLY.

Bonie got up and tried to kill me because I am a human so he thenks I am a exoskelatin not wearing a soot I THOUGHT BONIE WAS A GIRL BUT HE DOES NOT HAVE BUNNYBOOBIES IN REAL LIEF SO HE IS A BOY EVERY1. But dalscar stopped Bonie and said to her "sorry bonie this one is mine! We ned to take him to the master to test him!" bonie and foxy nodded and stepped back. I waved hi to everyone but john and jad were playing Yotzy and rose and kaneya were havin hawt secs so they dint see me. I was in ash and misties range of sigt so they challengd me 2 a pokymon batlle but I told them I HAT POKEMON cause ALL U DO IS FIND ANIMELS AND FORSE THEM 2 FIGT BY PRESSING LITEL BUTTONS THERE IS NO REAL ACTON IS SO BORNG. the ONLY COOL THIG IS THE WAY SOME OF THEY LOOCK LIKE RAQUEZA! so Ass and Misty sended out pee-achoo ( pikachoo HA LOL) and boremander (chamander LOL) and tried to hit me but daulscar kiled them to deth and ass and misty cride and I LAUGED (ok so a lot of fanfoctins have marysoos so I desided to make SUR nobodey caled JAMES a marysoo by makin him a SADIST but not a SATANEST cus that EVEL don call him a satenist pls plss thx)

chika the duck woked up to me and sed 2 doopscat "only mingle can open the portal to the fukin test room or els satan will get in karkats hose and bring demins with him like the guy who killd abe lincin and sacagawwea and shit!" mingle is the guy that is all breked up from the kids playin with him from the fnasf TWO game and he lives on the seiling and he flies at u to kill u in the gam. but I got SCARED WHEN CHIKA SED THE GUY WHO KILLD ABE LINKIN BECAUSE WHAT IF IT WAS DALSCAR LIKE IN MY drem. ALSO Y IS SACAGAWEA A DEMIN?! DID SATEN STELE HER OH NO I HAD TO SAV HER! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHIPTER!


	2. CHAPRER 2: SECAJAWEPA RAIN

CHAPRER 2: SECAJAWEPA RAIN

Mingle was hangin frum sum clothining pings on the ceeling looiking secsay with his lopstick and eyeluscious. He loocked at me and siad with a ritch french accent, "Who migt you be ohonhonhon!" he lauged frenchly (IT'S A HETALA REFENCE I HOPE U GET IT SO MINGLE IS LIKE FRENCE IN MY headCANAN and in thE STOREY).

"Im jame" I said staggerly. starin at his messy body. "You mist be mingle! and you can tacke us to the test for me 2 be a sarsarer!"

"Yeah! stand bake this will be lodu!." he scremed and his seckind head dodled in a circle and suddenly a wornhole opened up to another universe! EVERY1 JIMPED THROU HEADFRIST!

we landed on a plotform that was a sircle with a cloick on it pointed to 6:66! Oh no it was a satan number! I felt a evel in the air and demins started to flot down from the ski.

"kill them and capcher the boy!" the biggest demin scromed! smaller demins hit the ground and ran at us with sithes and sords! doilscar was so tall that he stimped on the demins to kill them!

"dolscar stop!" bonie yeled. "This is jameses test not yours!" doulescar felled bad and stepped back and let ME take the leed! I ran and tropped a demin with my foot and kicked him in the bals and then PUNCED ANOTHER ONE IN THE BUT WIT MY FIST! and he flied away into outherspace!

Suddenly SATAN HIMSLEF APEARED! he loocked like a demin but big and string with rinkly horns and snootty nose! and next to him was SACAGWEA! "COME HERE JAMSEY-JAMSEY!" she beckond with her hand!

"Oh no shes le indian so she can shot youwith le bow n arow HONHONHON!" mingle flailed around in his ball shap! "LE RUN!"

"No! Im NOT RANNING! _**NOT THIS TIME!**_" I screamed with EPIC MUSC PLAYING IN THE BACKGRUND! I lunged at sacagatea and FIRE SHOTTED OUT OF MY HAND AND HIT HER IN THEFACE AND I LAGH CAUSE IM A SADIST! "MUAHAHAHAHA" I YELL!

"Yes! Hes doing it!" Soilscare yeeled hapefully. "I knew you could do it James! PUSH HARDER!" james nodded and pushed hrarder and a firebol shitted at SATAN and SAGAGAGEA at the SAM TINE, but all 3 of them expoded and guts hit all the floor and hit jamse gros!

"Oh no!" jon eggbert cryed out. "Jimes are you okay!" also in the storeey jon has like in the song Sale by A Wall Nashun. I think that song is abut wen u go to the staore and their is a sale but you have so you cant pick what 2 buy! (also A Wall Nasal n is a werd nam for a band but my bofrend said there is a old band called buttwhole surfers and that is even WERDER! then he siad to me "we shud try 2 be like the buttwhole surfers" but I dident kno what he ment and then he sed we shud fukck and I sed ok so im not a vegeta anymore! a vegeta is b4 when u have secs the frist time and if ur asecual u r always a vegeta but asecual sux caus ur always a vegeta)

James heroly stepped out of the dust! Oh no Satan tied himself to sacewagea while she was unconshus from the exposon and he floo away with her. but he was tochin her boob OH NO what if stan was making sacaga his secs sarvent!

"Lets get out of her before this place crimbles!" Mingle yelled. "Butt the test is over and u passed with fling collars Jams!"

"Yay" I sed. "I a sorcerer now!" I shota fireball at the wall and it exploded epicly! BUT THE CELING FELL ON US!

"Quick get in the hole!" Failscar scramed and started to ran into the portal! We fillowed him readily and I cudldnt help but look at his but caus it was kinda cute and I toched it but he didn't notice.

Karkrat was wating for us when we cumed back. "fuk u guys ther was a demin atteck while you wer gona and FUKEN SATAN SHOWD UP!"

Bonie was vary confised because satan was with US not karkat! "what karkat but satan was with us at the twest room! are there TWO SATENS!"

Sudeenly Satan brok throu the roof and shotad fuxsy with a laser that looked lick GOKU from drargen baals. It hit me in the fase but I BLOKED WITH WITH MAGIC PURPLE GOO thAT CUM FROM MY ARMS. It turnred into Toilet Sprinkle! (caus I hate mlp and bronesy are stuppid so im caling her TOILET SPRINGLE) Toilet sprijle killed the fake saten!

"IT WAS A DIVERSIN! THE REAL SATAN TOOK SAVAGAWEO!" I said to Marmat and he sweard at satan like ten tims.

"WE GOTA FCKIN SVE HER AND SHIT." Kakrat yalled. but the fake satan wasn't deat anymor! It rose up and flowed in and CAPTURD KARAT. "FUKEN SAV ME AHHH!" he cryd and blod rained eveywher!

"Noooo!" John sceammed and soibbed! "They vaptured my bofriend! NOOOOONONOO!"

"Okay, now we hav 2 get back two pepol!" Doipscarf sighed ina brittsh acent dapressedley. "Lets go!" (ok I think doascar can be brottish ok and mongle is fench okk?) he used his mageck to macke a water surfbard for every1 and we flawed into the air and chased satan! but then we saw KARKAT WAS FALLING TO THE GRUND! to be cuntonyoud…


	3. CHAPER TREE: HEVEN ASCAPE!

CHAPER TREE: HEVEN ASCAPE!

we DASED DOWN TO TRI TO SAVe KRARAT BUT IT WAS TO LAT. he fal into a pile of bordseed on the grund from a fram.

"Oh no thast Sixsixsix Stabels the evel farm! I bet they dona torcher him ther and mak him asevual by cutin off his dingdong!"

"WATE," I yeled in shok! "asecual peapal have got cut off dungdongs?!"

"YA THAST Y THERE ASECUAL CAUS THEY CANT HAV SECS CAUS THEY HAV NO DINGLE AND THEY R EMBARASED1" Mingle expland. "they becum satenasts caus saten problu cut off thei dingdons 4 his own use!"

"what abot asecual girls" I sed quizzitively.

"r u kiden. those don't exest every woman wants 2 hav secs wether they wunt thae dingdong or pusy lick lesbanins ohHON HON HON!" mingle lauged and he was rite cus that mackes sense' cause how else wold ther be so many babbies!?

We landed on the grund and saw Karmat being caried away by demin gards scremin! "WE HAF TO STOP THM" bonei yelled and he ranned at them and punced them! then bonue got elictrocutted with satens magic pwards! IT WAS THA REEL SATEN OH NO. and you wodnt believe who was filloweing him: fran stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky! (my bofrend had 2 spel that 4 me also idk who Farn Stalnovsovachdaovditchy is but his nam sonded cool 4 tha storey) Frarn stapleovkvisdavlotlitchsy shot a black beeem at me and I fell 2 the grund and karkrat escaped and pucked me up and carred me to behind the barn.

"Larkat you saved me…" I moned, turnd on by his secsy eys.

He did not hesitat b4 kissine me hard. "james dont fukin tell jhon about this shit ok?" he sayd and I noidded and then he toched me real secsay ad HE FOKED ME BEHIND THA BARN WIT HES TENTACAL DONG THENGIE and we organismed real hrard.

"Saten beter not cut ur tintacal off," I said. "but we shud get aut of here b4 the otheres get catpured!"

we woked to the front of the bran and saw EVERY1 MISSING AND THERE WAS A PORTAL. "looks like our onley choise is go fukein save tehm!" kakat scrmed in whorrer! we joimped throu the portal and appared in a 5 sekonds of sumer concert! nile zane lima lowey and hary are the peapale in 5sos and they wer on staeg singin "let it go" from the movie tangeled. but THE PUPPET FROM 5naf TWO WAS UP THER PLAYIN A PURPAL AND BLECK BASE GITAR WITH SIXS HIDEN IN TEH STRINGS and fuxsy was tied up behind tha curtan!.

"les go!" I sed to jarjat and he fillowd me over to the sid of the stage. but securidy was ther so how wer we saposed to get back ther!

"lets trie to use r dam magic 2 fuken kill de basterds" kartkart sweard BUT THEY HERD HIM AND LEEPT ON HIM and strarded to drasg him away! "FUKKKFKUKKFU F U GARSQ!"! he yalled!

Wile the gards carred karkast away, I tocke my chanse and jumped up on staje and shoit fure at everONE but nile zan limo lowy and harey turn in2 ROBOTS so FIR WUD NOT AFECK THEM. I had 2 lern a difrent powar or I wood dye!

"mov over vegeta," they thretend me.

"I not a VEGETAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" AND SUDENLY RED LASARS SHUT OUT MY MUOTH AND BEEMED OFF THE ROBOT ON2 THE ROP THAT TIDE FUXY UP AND FUCY CUT THE RIBOTS WIREs WIT HIS hoOCK. karkrarkt would be so prod! mingle lept in to tack on anoiter roboit but it smocked him to the grund and he DED.

foky screeamd "nooo O MY BOFREND" but what he didn't realise was that mingle was just…. CHARJING UUUPPP HE LEOPED IN2 THE AIR AND LOOPED AROUND AND MACK THE ROBOT BLO UP IN2 A MILLON PICES AND LOPPED INTO THE BACK AND SAVED BONIE AN FOREDDY!

Satan was FUMING as he flow into the air mad at us for maken him angry! "I ned t find theyr powar sorce and destoy it!" DEN HE RELIZED IT HAD 2 BE THEH HOLEY SPIROT CAUS SATEN HAS BAD POWARS SO THE WHOLY SPRIT HAS 2 HAVE GOOD POSARS. he toock saxagawega and they flod into 2 the air to get 2 heaben! they r not mortal so they can get 2 heven by flyin. (AND SEE THIS STOREY IS NOT STEREYOTIPICAL CAUSE USUALY GOD IS IN IT. BUT NO I JUST DOIN THE HOLA SPIRIT HE IS NOT A MIAN CARACKER!)

wen Bonei new what he was thenking! "we hav to stip saten b4 he reches heven!" Checa and Frdaddey and Boner and fuxey desided 2 go get in a plane so we cud fly on2 the clods 2 be in hevehn. in the mentime, I kiled the secoritey gard 2 get jarkat back but it was ok becaus the gard was licke 80 eneyway so he was odld enuf 2 die.

me karkart mingle dualspore playd yotezey wile we wated and nepera and ewuius came 2.

THE OTHERS CIME BACK WIT A JET. we get on the top of the jet so we can jimp off on2 the clodus 2 get 2 heven. froddy flies the plain so he cun't come with us but he has 2 fly us home. "ok ferddy get reddy to flie us homer" I sed when we got 2 the cluodtops. me boner mingle choca dalscar fuzy and katkar woked into heven the GATES OPENED THAT MENS WE R GUDHARTED. THE HOLLY SPIRUT WAS A WITE DOEV (but I thenk that racest becaus wite peapal are not betar then block peapal THE DUVE SHUD B GRAY GRAY GAY GRAY! I SO MAD!) the rasest holy spirut sed 2 us "welcume to heven ur frend is here" AND HE SHOWED US ERADEN.

"eridan what are you diong here!" dipscar said to erdran scarely.

"I am goin to stop saten from geten into heven2" he sade hapely. he was talken to a PONEY that was dead so it live in heven and it was RAIBOWDESH.

"ha ha rabodash you ded" but turnes out she was NOT ded she was DREEMING ABOT HEVEN FROM PONEYVILE.

"satan tock over poneybile so I ned edriden to herlp me sav it satan is also taken over other fandubs."

that onley left us wit one optin! after we saved heven we had to…

SAV THE FANDUMS!

to be continued….


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